Bangalore Diaries..oops Bengaluru Diaries

My second visit to the once upon a time "garden city of india", and now the current IT hub of the city. I was staying at my cousin's place . And me, being "almost like a newcomer " to this place, she offered to give a tour of b'lore city. It began with lifestyle, moved onto brigade road with a culmination in Garuda shopping mall.. I basically wanted to check out Crossroads, while my cousin pointed out that books come WAY cheaper in the footpaths. As I was moving down the escalator, I spotted a senior of mine. She did too, came forward, then realised that i was on the escalator. In my excitement and joy(that generally happens when i spot a known face in a sea of unknown faces- mind you we are just hi hello how are you friends), i failed to hear to some angry remark that my cousin made. We reached down and then took another escalator to the top where the senior was . The reunion, well.. as mentioned earlier the degree of our closeness.. we did some small talk and introduced me to her friends, which included a guy.. the only one in their group. Then it struck me odd, that the guy was not looking, let alone smile at me. On the contrary , he constantly kept staring in the opposite direction. After bidding adieus and making no promises at all to keep in touch, my cousin whispered in my ear :"How cheap!! That was that very guy i told you who was winking at me!! Plus such hot chics are standing next to him, yet he could only wink to me. Despo of the first order!!"
"Umm..Did u actually tell me that??"
"Of course!! On the escalator. Gosh!! Which world are you in ?"she said in a frustrated tone (btw m more of a daydreamer)
"I did not hear you. Well.. that explains it. I was wondering, why he was so engrossed in buying nuts that too, that he couldn't even look up?"
Sigh..Some guys.. When will they grow up??

Phobic Me

I suffer from an acute case of ochlophobia and agoraphobia. To a certain extent xenophobia and acrophobia, though am trying really hard to come out of it, acrophobia i mean. As for the other phobias they remain, and all are so interrelated. So by now you must have guessed what an introvert i am. I mean come to think of it, making new friends is such a hard task for me unless there is some initiative from the other person's end . I have tried but as its not working out i guess its some case of genetic disorder , or else why would the problem persist despite repeated attmepts to come out of it. My generally audible voice enters the infra sonic range when meeting a new /fundoo/senior/superior persona. It did cause some ripples in the class when the head of department announced that i am softspoken. This statement's response elicited itself in the form of sour throats and stifled coughs. Now can u call me responsible if i suddenly get cold feet or butterflies in the pit of the stomach when speaking with him, to such an extent my temporal lobes go all numb and the corresponding nerves get paralysed so that no voice transmission takes place? That is another reason why i hate confrontations. I like solitude in familiar environments but i feel highly queasy when alone in unfamiliar environments. Mr Shark gave me company in the whole one week when i was alone and i entered this domain. But after shark's friend came, absolutely no hearing from him. With my ego hurt, and deciding not to trample it anymore i decided to embrace solitude . However even then the ugly head of ochlophobia resurfaces from time to time. In the meantime during the luncheon sessions i entered the world of medical thrillers to keep me company . Meanwhile sharky dear has totally forgotten my existence.( The medical realm i entered was not engrossing enough to pull me away from this). So thats a case of ochlophobia, agoraphobia and xenophobia combined, as its all new people around without the familiar face of sharky. Not to mention my bouts with frustration and depression during this interval. This is coupled with anxiety, worry, and dunno what not. At the end of the day, here i am with a melange of all possible introvert- related phobias to form, voila,ME!!!!!

Dostana revisited!!

Oh dear,Oh dear , will u please lend me a ear
And tell me if it is true What I hear?
My boyfriend s born on a sunday
“So ?” you might say
But haven’t you heard what they say?
“A person born on Sabbath (Sunday)
Is bony and blithe and good and GAY!!!!”
Now you know why the tension,
The worries and my hyperventilation
Right now he s calm and formal
But dunno when he’ ll stop being normal!!:(

Ode to Boredom

Boredom, why do you continuously haunt thee?
Why do you make your presence only to me?
My patience has reached the end of my tether
And it ain't made me any wiser.
Papers after papers i sit and surf
With only gloom & angst to turf..
Luck , have i grown so ugly
That you cant show thy face to me.?
Where art thee?
I am keenly awaiting your presence to aid me
Take me out of this dilemma.
Before it becomes a tragic drama.

Call of Fear

I have often wondered what Franklin Roosevelt meant when he said “ The greatest thing to fear is fear itself”. As the adage goes “ Experience is the greatest teacher”, in the course of time, experience taught me its true implications.

The days leading to the piano grading exams, especially the practical exams are generally fraught with tension in the academy I went to. The din of the piano, violin and bass is superimposed with the angry and frustrated voices of the instructors. What with high goals and standards to meet, honors and reputations to protect coupled with our degrading performances, the frustration was totally justifiable.

The bright spot was that I had an edge over my contemporaries , being the oldest. During my mock tests, I had trouble with an allegretto while the other two pieces went fine. On D-Day, I walked into the exam hall , totally focused and played the allegretto to perfection. I heaved a sigh of relief- one headache over. I also realized that I was not nervous at all.

Call it reverse psychology or whatever, I suddenly felt the pangs of nervousness begin to engulf me. Butterflies in my stomach coupled with trembling fingers. Hence my diminuendos ended up louder and my staccatos were too prolonged. Result- My cradle song ended up waking the baby. My next piece went equally as bad.

Not to my surprise, when the results were out I had scored the highest for the allegretto while just got enough in the other two pieces to pass the exam with merit. It was then that I realized the magnitude of the call of fear.